do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
