Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
