You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
two words...techno handjob
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
