ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just google imaged poop.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
