The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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