It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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