I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
