she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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