Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
