what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
