My room smells like vodka and shame
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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