Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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