And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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