there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
