I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
