I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
