Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
