Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
