I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
