i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
