Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
