Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
