Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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