i used baking grease as lip gloss
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
