These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
