pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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