dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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