Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
