i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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