Someone shit on the floor
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
