i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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