This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
