What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
