Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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