whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
