Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
