I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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