I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
