I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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