Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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