therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
