No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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