He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
