Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
