mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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