A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
