i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I will die if light touches me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
