I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
