I wannas sexs uuuuu
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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