throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
